Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
babies were throwing up all over the place
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
