Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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