i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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