um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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