I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
