im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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