wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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