Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
