I wish I could punch you in the face.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
3 2 1 whiskey
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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