well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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