the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
