The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
