dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
