literally had 100 drinks last night.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
