dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
