I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it was like eating out sand paper
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
