1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
