She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Every concussion has its silver lining
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
