I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
