After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
