when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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