you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
where are my eyebrows?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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