She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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