at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
