i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize