Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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