He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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