We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
