there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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