You can't special order awesome
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm bleeding and have questions
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
