hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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