I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
pray to the hookup gods
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
