Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
