She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
