Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
