True but thats because hes a fetus.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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