Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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