my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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