at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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