i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
