gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
