she was so not down for the gang bang
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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