I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
