i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize