i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
