Non-Jews are for practice
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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