is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
