The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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