I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
