best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
