I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
