love makes seman taste better
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize