you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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