i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
