just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
