True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize