That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
