we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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