He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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