I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
