I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
