please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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