My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
