singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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