Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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