Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
