ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize