I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
