Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize