Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
