Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
