doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
