May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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