Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize