And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize