Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
