I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
