yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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