New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
