Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
ok first of all what the fuck
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
