My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
