Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
