Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
