just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
