I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
