You made me cry and you don't even care
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
