Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
