She said her name was "party"
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My dad is sitting where you rode me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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