I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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