your parents love me but you hate me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
