my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
