Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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